Whataburger

I've been down south before. Numerous times. But I still can't get over the infatuation The South has with it's fast food chains. It's crazy insane. I'm not talking about just a couple here and there. There are literally a couple on every block. Next time I'm out, I'll do a count. It kinda grosses me out.

I'm not one for fast food. Once in a while for some strange reason I will get a craving for something fake and greasy tasting, and I will indulge. But I could honestly count on one hand (a small missing finger hand) how many times I eat fast food a year. I love greasy and slutty foods, but I can only handle it in such moderation. Asides from feeling greasy and shitty afterward, there are other reasons I avoid it.

***Warning: Horror Food Story Ahead...Turn Back Now If Afraid (And You Should Be)***

I have a couple of stories about fast food that I am about to share. One is so horrific that as I am typing this, I am thinking I shouldn't even tell you, because I am still recovering from it. Maybe 15 years ago or so, way way back in my pre-teen years I was eating taco bell. I remember it clearly (which is terribly unfortunate). Sitting in the passenger seat of my mom's SUV, I took a decent sized bite out of my crunchy beef taco. As I was chewing (Oh god, this is horrible...I can barely type this) there was something that wasn't quite right. A texture that doesn't belong INSIDE of ground beef. (I might throw up thinking about this) As I pulled it out of my mouth (UGH!!!) I was mortified at what I found. (eeehh...I'm going to have nightmares again) It was a chunk of hair about the size of half a dime. A hair ball, inside of my taco. A HAIR BALL! WHAT. THE. FUCK!?!?!?! I don't even know what to say about this. It wasn't as if it was one little strand of hair sitting on top of my taco that may have just floated through the air. That would have been bad enough. But this was a chunk, A KNOT OF HAIR INSIDE OF MY TACO. It was as if someone cleaned out a hair brush and placed it in my taco!!!! That's all I can say about that now. It took a lot for me to tell you, and I don't think it did me any favors reliving it. Please don't ask me about it. But for those of you that know of my extreme disgust for loose hair, especially if it's wet, around food, or in my mouth...that is the reason for it. Please understand why I could never bring myself to explain before. Ugh....Barf...

My second story isn't as horrible for me to think about as the first, but it might still gross some of you out. This took place during the very end of a Middle School band class. The night before my family must have been out and about most of the day so we ended up stopping at McDonald's for dinner. As usual, I ordered chicken nuggets (I have never eaten a fast food burger before, asides from White Castle, but that doesn't count - more on this later). So I eat my chicken nuggets and we head home. The next morning I wake up not feeling so hot, I couldn't stomach anything for breakfast, so I chugged down some grape juice and headed to school. Maybe it was all of that crazy clarinet playing I was doing, but just as the bell rang to leave band class, I got that awful feeling in my throat. You know the one. The one that sneaks up on you so fast there's nothing you can do about it. Let's just say for the sake of everyone else in band...it was a good thing I sat up front. Before everyone was out the door, I bolted to the garbage can right in front of the class, right in front of everyone, and let loose. It wasn't pretty. Asides from being so mortified I wouldn't pull my head out of the garbage in fear people would be staring at me, I now had neon purple (thanks grape juice) chunky chicken nuggets to clean up.

Let's just say those two incidents cured me for a very VERY long time of fast food. I'm trying to move on...

This started out as just a quick post about a southern fast food chain called Whataburger. Apparently I got carried about with information that you neither wanted or needed to hear. Anyway, Whataburger's are everywhere here (not quite as popular as the 'every 50 feet Waffle House chain' - which I have yet to experience). A week or so ago we met up with a friend who also moved to the area recently. Since we were hungry, and none of us had ever been to a Whataburger that we've seen EVERYWHERE, the choice was pretty simple.

Like I said, I have never eaten a fast food burger before. I've always stuck with chicken sandwiches, which I could have done at Whataburger. But I was feeling adventurous I suppose. I ordered a Whataburger, which claims to be 100% American beef, with mustard, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and onions, and cheese. With a side of onion rings. I wasn't sure what to expect, I think something heavy and greasy and disgustingly delicious. Strangely, it wasn't any of those things. It was much larger than expected, on a 5-inch bun. The patty was pressed as thin as possible and didn't have too much flavor, grease or otherwise. The tomatoes were pretty substantial for a fast food restaurant, and the lettuce and raw onions were crunchy. The bun was decent, it did it's job and held together, and all of it's contents. The onion rings were really good though. They were actually a whole slice of onion, and the batter was very tasty and crunchy, not needing ketchup. My Whataburger verdict: It was alright. Nothing special, except for the fact that I didn't feel gross after I ate it, and that's always a bonus. Would I get it again, sure, if I had to, but I don't think I would ever 'crave' a Whataburger. Maybe I was a little disappointed it wasn't greasy....weird...