19 March 2012

"Slicing a warm slab of bacon is a lot like giving a ferret a shave. No matter how careful you are, somebody's going to get hurt."

Calf Fries are delicious!!! (Can you guess what they really are???)
The Smok-Shak, Cherokee, Oklahoma
Today's post may or may not involve food.  In order to keep me out of my blogging rut, I think I'm going to try and mix it up a little (and per great advice from Jen of Whitfield Awesome).  So, I sort of have an idea for this post, but to be honest, I might just let it flow.

***I should probably add a disclaimer...I'm not guaranteeing the quality of flow, only that there are hopes of flowage.  Wow. Way to much flowing going on right now.  Let's get started.

So, I often lie in bed thinking of the most random unimportant things.  Many times I have kept my poor sleep deprived husband awake by asking him completely irrelevant questions.  But at 11pm, or 1am or even 4am, these thoughts/ideas/questions seem soooo important to me.  And they must be, right? Why else would they be keeping me awake.

***Mister KaceysKitchen has a varying schedule that sometimes requires him to be asleep by 8pm and up by 3am.  I've learned to save my 'important' questions for the weekend, and instead, satisfy my weeknight insomnia by partaking in my new addiction...Pinterest.  But you already knew that, right? Cause you're addicted also.  Don't lie.

So these important things I think about.  Most times I'm thinking about food.  And that is SOOO bad in the middle of the night because I'm bored, tired, and making myself hungry.  I'll think of things I haven't made yet, things I need to blog about, what foods haven't I made yet, what to buy at the grocery store on Sunday, where to go out to lunch on Saturday, etc.  You know, the normal stuff everyone thinks about at 2am.

But there is something else totally important I think about, which we will discuss today.

If I had an shit-ton-mega-yacht-load of money, what would I buy?  

Yup, important, didn't I tell you?  I don't mean buying all that ridiculous stuff either.  Buying everything, donating zillions is easy to do when you have unlimited resources.  But that would be weird, wouldn't it?  To own EVERYTHING?  So I like to think...if I had a ton of money, what would I really spend it on.

The Money Museum, Kansas City (Dec 2011)
I'm curious as to what you guys would spend it on also.  And don't even lie to me and say that you'll live exactly the same way and donate it all.  I'll call shenanigans on you loud and clear.  Sure, sure, you'll donate here and their and give money/stuff to friends and family and leave a trust for your 30 cats.  But let's be honest here.  You'll at least take SOME of that money and splurge a little, right?  I mean, you have an ungodly amount of money.  You can do ANYTHING you want, but you don't need to spend EVERYTHING.

So...here are some of my 'realistic' dream splurges if I could afford it.  I'm not going to include all the  donations I'll contribute to cause that's just a given (I'm not that big of a jerk):
  • Daily stylist.  That covers hair/makeup/cloths.  
    • I'll shower by myself thank you, but I want the whole hair stylist head massage shampoo deal every single day.  I would change up my hair all the time.  Extensions, colors, cut, the works.  My hair would be gorgeous and you'd have to wear sunglasses around me because it's healthy shimmer would be blinding. 
    • While my do is gettin' done, someone would be putting makeup on me.  Nothing flashy or anything, just nice and healthy looking and with magically soft makeup brushes that I can't afford right now.  You know the ones, the ones that feel like a unicorns rainbow breath on your face.  
    • Someone would always have the right outfit for me picked out.  Something I'm trying to get better at now, more dresses, lots of layers, and fun accessories.  And such, such cute comfy heels.  I'd still look like me, I would still have my 'style', it would just be way more awesome.  But my hair would be killer.  Killer hair.
Basically the goal is to never leave the house looking  like this.
(Sorry for the freaky cat eyes)
  • Sunglasses. I'd own lots and lots of expensive sunglasses.  I want red ones.  And a great pair of orange aviators. And lots more.
This pair died a while back...definitely need a replacement.
  • Houses/Apartments.  I'd own property and dwellings in lots of places.  I don't want anything extreme. I want it functional, cozy, and not too large.  No mansions or anything.  Just normal, nice houses.  Just cause I have zillions of dollars doesn't mean I won't put my feet on the couch.
    • Some locations would include varies city/mountain/oceansides of the USA.  I definitely want a loft in Manhattan, a place on top a mountain in Big Sur, and a cabin in New England.  There could be more.  I also want a few little remote places, accessible by boat or plane only, maybe on islands...Alaska and Fiji sound good.  There would also be a few other far away places - New Zealand, Germany, Thailand.  Of course, these locations are subject to change. I'm sure I'll be doing tons of traveling to find my perfect home location.
I could handle this view.
(Big Sur, California, 2010)
    • All houses will have an AMAZING kitchen.  Lots of counter space and seating for lots of guests.  A pull out spice cabinet.  Appliances hidden in the counter and cabinets.  Dreamy.
Entertaining in this kitchen please!
    • All houses will have an AMAZING bathtub.  Something I could practically swim in.  With jets. Lots of jets.  Is this too much????
    • All houses will have a king sized bed.  I'm sooo over queen sized mattresses.
  • Farms and Wildlife.  Pets.
    • I want to own a farm.  Not a huge farm, but a place that I can have lush fruit and vegetable gardens.
    • My farm needs to be large enough for my livestock and other creatures I take under my 'wing'. These WILL include, but are not limited to the following:
      • Pembroke Welsh Corgis, just a couple of them.  They'll come everywhere with me.  They'll be great farm dogs too.
This video makes me smile so hard.
      • 2 Llamas.  I don't want them to get bored while I travel.
      • A baby hairy cow.  It will always stay a baby.
      • Lots of yard birds.  I want those chickens that have the funny feather 'hats' and baby Guineas that will sit on my finger and run on a treadmill (see here)  I want to be able to go out and get my own eggs every morning for breakfast.
      • A couple of pigs.  Maybe one little guy as a pet and maybe a big porker for a future breakfast.  Hey, don't hate...this is a food blog after all.  That bacon in your BLT has got to come from somewhere.
      • Sammy will of course remain as my only cat and she'll torture my Corgis.  
      • I'll have also rescued a baby manatee that I will have held in my arms and fed.  She'll be taken care of at someplace that can support a manatee. I'm guessing my large bathtub won't cut it.
      • I might also want one of those Pygmy Goats, just cause goats are funny.
Who wouldn't want a jumping mini goat?
  • Vehicles.  
    • I wouldn't buy a fancy car. I'll still be driving around my 2001 Jeep Cherokee and putting money into it to keep it alive forever.  Love that truck.
    • I would have a sailboat though.  And awesome sailboat that all my friends know how to sail.  We'd sail everywhere for no reason.  Sammy and my corgis would make awesome boat pets.  It would be big wooden sailboat with a rope hammock.  Drinks would never run out on my boat.
    • Oh, and a Vespa.  I know, you probably wanted one like 8 years ago.  So did I.  The difference is...I still want one.
  • Beer.  I just thought of this one.  I'd probably own my own brewery.  Simply because I'm sick of paying a lot of money for crappy beer.  I know, it doesn't make sense since I have a lot of money, but you won't be complaining when I give you tons of free amazing beer.
Pensacola Bay Brewery, Pensacola, Florida 2011
  • Shuffleboard.  I'm loving shuffleboard and I want an awesome table, but the logistics of moving it around all the time and finding a place to live with a room large enough could be a problem.  So maybe I'll get one for that brewery I'll open up.  Then another one in one of those houses I'll own also.
Enid, Oklahoma 2012

Well, I think that's all for now.  You know, it's just the little things.  This list isn't exclusive, but just some of the things I've recently thought about for absolutely no reason.  Asking friends what's on their 'dream shopping list' is a fun conversation starter.  So friends, What would you buy if you could afford ANYTHING?  Leave me a comment below (btw - anyone notice the new comment form, what do you think, do you like it or prefer the old version?).

Also, anyone guess what Calf Fries are? (Without Googling!)


  1. 1) LOVE THIS POST!!! Reminds me of your old ones from WAY back in the day b/c I'm a creeper and I can say that I have read every single blog post since you started Kacey's Kitchen. You're a fave b/c you combine slutty food with humor sprinkled with bad language and the occasional bit about cats. Also, you like carbs and cheese. Slutty, slutty carbs and cheese.

    2) ALSO LOVE THE NEW COMMENT FORM. Technology is hard. This is slightly easier than before for ding-dongs like me.

    3) If I had a shit-ton of money I'd donate 30% to animal related charities. I'm a carebear and I want to take in and save every stray doggie/kitty/occasional squirrel that I come across.

    I'd pay off school loans (past and present b/c I'm back in school to be a vet woo hoo!).

    Like you, I'd keep my car. I drive a Nissan Murano whose name is Winnie. She has feelings. I love her. Some times I accidentally honk at people when I hug my steering wheel.

    At this point, my blog is hurting for attention. I'd pay someone to let me dictate my posts so it would be less lonely and still be me.

    I'd travel around the world and EAT. I'd eat everything I could get my hands on and then use my gajillions of dollars to pay someone to kick my ass in the gym so I could fit in all the amazeballs clothes that I've purchased. Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr just buy new clothes.

    I'd buy a primary residence with a state of the art, big-ass kitchen filled with kitcheny-toys. A summer home somewhere sunny and a ski lodge are pretty shiny and nice too.

    Have I mentioned eating? B/c yeah, I'd eat everything from street trucks to designer food. I WOULD SINGLE HANDEDLY BRINGING POUTINE TO AMERICA.

    I'd drink beer from your brewery whilst eating poutine. Ok I'm really hungry now.

    I'd probably get drunk and play a lot of video games since I wouldn't have to get up to go to a crappy job anymore. I could stay up late playing as much Mario-kart as I wanted! EEEeeeee!!

    I play this game too when I'm up late at night. Same when Winnie and I are driving somewhere -- I'll zone out for miles and miles daydreaming about food and money and cats.


    Have a great day Kacey. :)

    Oh and P.S., no roller derby in Oklahoma? :(

  2. I forgot to guess what calf fries are. Hrmmmmm.... I know you live in OK but I'm going to stick my neck out and guess: fried alligator? Either way, they look awesome.

  3. Holy fuck I just googled them. HA!

  4. Aren't calf fries testicles?

  5. Oh Lauren!!! You're one of my favorite online bloggy friends/stalkers too!!! I might steal your description of my blog "combine slutty food with humor sprinkled with bad language and the occasional bit about cats. Also, you like carbs and cheese. Slutty, slutty carbs and cheese." Seriously, there is no better way to sum it up!

    1) I love lists, so I especially love this comment.

    2) I love epic comments, so I REALLY especially love this comment.

    3) I just imagined you hugging your steering wheel in traffic and everyone is thinking your pissed off when really, your just showing some love to Winnie. (Good name btw. Mine doesn't have a name, although sometimes I just refer to it as my bad ass mother fucking truck that'll run you over if you get the fuck outta my way bitch!) And then my husband gives me this look that says 'please, please, don't let road rage Kacey appear!'.

    4) Oh my gosh, I can't believe I forgot to put personal trainer on that list. That way I could totally eat anything I want (Cheeseburgers please!!!) all of the time, and if I can't get into my cute jeans, then it won't be my fault of course, it'll be the trainers!

    5) Man oh Man, I haven't had good, legit poutine in YEARS and YEARS. When I open my brewery, will you work for me as my poutine artist? You can carefully place each and every cheese curd in just the right spots. It'll be our best seller. Microbrews and Poutine...it COULDN'T get better than that.

    6) Whenever I order poutine, I'm always terrified of actually saying it outloud. What if I accidentally say poutang or ponanny?!?!?! Oh GOD that would be humiliating!!! It sounds so dirty to begin with, but if I mispronounce it...oh dear, I'm stressing myself out thinking about it.

    7) So glad you publicly admitted to zoning out for miles and miles! HAHA!

    8) There is a roller derby team in town actually, I saw them bout in a collective game at the end of last year. I decided not to join a team this time mainly because we were probably not going to live in Oklahoma for very long (we arrived in August last year and are already planning on a move within the next few months). Have you been to a bout yet?

    Oh, and by the way people, you should totally check out Lauren's blog over at http://www.miss-laurens-kitchen.com/ !!!

  6. They sure are! And they are really delicious. If you weren't told, you would think they were little chicken bites!

  7. Cow balls,lol

  8. First off, I love your list! I would be happy with any of those things. Except the dogs.

    If I were crazy pants rich, I too would have many dwelling places. I'd upgrade my place in Milton. Definitely have a beach bungalow situation in Phi Phi Islands, Thailand. A modern-industrial spot in Austin. A cabin someplace cliffy. And a lighthouse on a rocky shore. They would all be modest in size with really nice fixtures, kitchens, tubs, built-in bookshelves and such. And pools. Salt water pools because they make your skin feel good and my boo has a chlorine allergy.

    I'd travel the U.S. in an airstream. Visit all the spots everyone should see and some spots few have seen. I'd make stops to kayak and/or canoe all over the place. When I tired of driving I would fly someplace exotic. I'd hire someone to teach me to cook native dishes and dance native dances in those exotic places.

    After my airstream travels, I'd open a gallery for creatives. A space were folks could paint/craft/etc and display their work. It would include a cafe full of boyfriend's delicious dishes. I'd hold events and invite cool bloggers to speak/show off their skills.

    I'd take lessons. All sorts of lessons. Language, instrument, cooking, horseback riding, sking, etc. I just like learning new things.

    I'd spend a ridiculous amount of money on clothes, shoes and accessories. I'd have weekly massages and facials. And hire a perky personal assistant like movie-version Carrie Bradshaw did.

    And I would probably just beef up my current car too. I like it. The body style has changed (in a bad way) in the newer versions. Maybe a new engine (or whatever) and a custom paint job...add a little tear drop camper. Done.

    All after donating to my church/family/friends/various people and animal affiliated charities, of course. :)

    P.S. I must confess, I cheated. I Googled Calf Fries. They look pretty tasty in your photo.

  9. Weekly massages and facials are a must!